different

Cant sleep, so I guess i’ll update this jonk

Made it home safe. Chill bday till the evening when I shipped 700 and drove home tipsy.. smh

Losing more than ever in poker. Conclusion, I suck at poker haha. Its hard to find a poker player that actually profits from poker tho. The poker pros. But I have seen a few of them since I’ve been dealing. Bammas are disciplined as shit. Some play strictly 1/3. If the game changes to 2/5 later in the night, they cash out. They asked to get dealt out of No Limit Omaha when the table decides to do it one hand per round late at night.  Whereas me, I shove blind in Omaha when Im stuck haha. I’ve tried playing tight. Tried playing loose. Still cant win. I guess I just dont have the poker instincts anymore. Which a close friend did point out to me. Use to win alllll the time. Either everyone else got better or I got worst. The hell if I know, prolly a combination of both.

27 was an alright year for me till recently. Moved back to MD, which is GOOD. Cali is the worst. Great place to visit, dont get me wrong. But living? fuhgettaboutit. Came back to MD, picked up dealing gigs, started my own game. Multiple tables every monday… Then I get robbed. Shotgun pointed at me with the bamma sayin “I dont like you” then cocks it…  Thankfully nothin happens. They take my phone and I lose all my contacts. Yet I still push to deal. I take too many risks. Its hard for me to get a regular job when Im makin 300-800 a night… Even if I work 2 nights a week, its good money. But I gamble too much. And there’s no future in it. Not house games anyway….

Needa do something different. Stop taking so many risks. I thought about it the other day and almost everything I do in life is risky. Every decision I make pretty much… Horrible. Hard to get away from fast money tho. Something needs to change. I’d like to say Ima stop playing poker till I build a bankroll. But that probably wont happen. Whatever it is, I needa do something different. Maybe I’ll sober up tomorrow and figure out what that is. 28 should be a good year tho. MJ got his first ring at 28. So he must’ve just been entering his prime. Bron finally got one, he turns 28 the year he got one… Should be a good year. Lookin forward to it. One things for sure. 28 will be a whole lot different than the previous 27. 

In the HOLE

My poker sessions from January to March 14 2012. I’m down -5,197. Horrible. Played 139 hours and 22 minutes. And when I’m not playing at night, I’m in the box. Poker all night long every night in 2012 pretty much. Probably 5 days max where I didn’t see a poker game.

1/2 -165 930pm-330am
1/3 +200 915pm-230am
1/4 -290 10pm-235am
1/8 -60 9pm-midnight
1/10 -500 9pm-150am
1/18 +40 12:15am-7:10am
1/24 +305 8:20pm-1:05am
1/25 +630 720pm-3:10am
1/28 -300 650pm-920pm
1/29 -700 550pm-210am
1/31 -800 730pm-midnight
2/3  +440 2am-630am
2/5 +400 7am-830am
2/6 -1080 1020pm – 12
2/8 -200 1240am-230am
2/11 +300 615am-725am
2/12 0 450am-1030am
2/12 -500 735pm-2am
2/13 -700 930-midnight
2/18 +140 6am-825am
2/18 +100 620pm-705pm
2/19 -640 450am-8am
2/21 +118 325am-445am
2/21 +130 9pm-1140pm
2/22 +250 1225am-550am
2/25 +140 950pm-1120pm
2/25 -40 1210am-1am
2/25 -170 455am – 820am
2/26 -1000 810pm-3am
2/28 -850 905pm-130am
3/3 -600 435am-615am
3/3 +350 815pm-1035pm
3/4 +22 4-430am
3/4 +200 6am-635am
3/4 -800 630pm-1135pm
3/7 +1000 9pm-3am
3/10 -200 755pm-945pm
3/11 +75 10-1130
3/12 +600 320am-510am
3/13 +18  1140pm -2am
3/14 -500 4am-5am

Parenthesis indicates a “Negative Number”

January - March 14, 2012 (41 Sessions)

Not as sweet as you think

Last two poker sessions
12/6 -1100
12/9 -1700

I was actually up 360 on the 6th and then all of a sudden strattled 50 bucks. I tend to get bored in long poker sessions. I should’ve just cashed out. It’s hard for me to just play good through a whole session. I start to strattle, bluff more, play every hand, etc. I need to just cash out but I never play for just 3 hours. I look at these poker sessions as a time where I can get out of the house. So I want to stay longer. Have to change that

On the 9th, I was actually up 600. Then I got on tilt. Not because I was bored but because of someone texting me. I allowed someone to put me on tilt. No good. I was frustrated then played out of control on the felt.

All in all in my last two sessions, I lost a total of -2800. And to make matters worst, I been covering other people that needed money. So I’ve been working for free the past 2-3 weeks. Poker life ain’t as sweet as everyone thinks it is.

Taking an Oracle class in January. Hoping to get a decent job in the summer. Apparently Oracle is a skill that’s in demand. Then I can quit poker and only play when I want to instead of relying on it

Poker Dream?

Just had my 27th birthday this past weekend. Spent it over my brother’s crib with a few friends and family. My sister made some dessert for me. First thing I think of is blowing out a candle haha. They didn’t have a candle for me but I asked for one. Sis ended up getting one of their house candles and put it on the cupcake.

27th birthday wish while holding my world in my arms

I closed my eyes. Yeah I was serious haha. I wanted to make a wish. Lately what I’ve been thinking of a lot is dreams, goals, or what I like to say “purpose in life.” All over facebook and twitter, people constantly talk about goals and dreams. I use to have them. But I honestly don’t know what that is anymore. It’s almost like the older we get, the less we dream and have goals. Either we dream them and don’t pursue them or we just don’t have them anymore. I wished to find my purpose in life..

At one point, I thought I wanted to be a real estate agent. Got my license and it didn’t work out for me. Then tried to do loans. Got my license, didn’t work out for me. Got my bartender license, didn’t work out for me.. Thought about starting up a show on the internet talking about sports and hip hop. That didn’t work out either. Tried to rap lol. I want to do something I love. Moreover, I want to know that it’s what I’m here on earth for. My purpose. What He wants me to do.

That’s actually my greatest fear in life. To not find what I’m here on earth for. I read some statuses of friends on facebook who mentioned goals/dreams. I commented and asked what their goal was. Never really got a serious answer. Although, I was serious myself because I’d like to know. It may help me find mine. Not sure if its because they really don’t have one. Or because they just don’t want to share it. I mean what is our goal? To be rich? Ok, how? Is it to work at Navy Federal, the Pentagon, Walmart? If so, cool. Could it be to just be a great father and raise my kids right? If so, cool. For some reason I think I meant for more though. That I can make a difference some how. So two days after my birthday me and my brothers go out to a bar for a post birthday celebration. Before we leave, I make a toast. With the 151 in hand, we drink to finding our purpose in life..

"Purpose in Life" toast with my brothers

Is it poker? It’s such a long shot if it is. You need a bankroll to be able to withstand losing sessions. You have to play exceptionally great, otherwise you’re just gambling. I know one thing, I do love poker. I love to play. I love talking about it. I love reading people. I love bluffing haha. But is it what He wants me to do? How is poker what I’m here on earth for?

With that said.. It may be poker. What if I’m a successful poker player who makes a lot of money and am able to give back to people who really need help. I was never too much of a materialistic person. If I were ever a millionaire, I don’t think I’d be one to splurge like crazy. Maybe a little. But at the same time, I know that I was blessed and would most definitely use it to do good with. So here’s my stepping stone.. (my possible goal/dream/purpose)

Friday December 2nd, at the Harrahs. 345 buy in. WSOP Circuit Event. I’ve won one before. Maybe I can cash in consecutive tournaments. WSOP Circuit events are December 1st-12th. I start with Event #2.

2011 World Series of Poker Circuit Event Schedule

+1,092

(no rake)

+652 seat 11. +460 seat 4

I’d have to say Friday was a good day for me. Played Great poker for the most part. Maximizing my hands when I know I had the winner. Sometimes its hard to distinguish whether or not you’re playing great poker though. When you’re winning, you think you’re playing great. When you’re losing, you think you played horrible. When in actuality even when you lose, you might have played good. Or when you win, you may have been getting lucky and really made a lot of bad moves. Here’s an example of a bad move I did that night.

(RABBIT CAM!)

I have the button. I pick up suited cards. One person calls the big. I decide to play position. I know the big (a loose player) and the caller would call my 20 dollar pre-flop bet. I also know that the big blind would pay me off if I hit. He bluffed A LOT of the hands and also was a calling station. Flop comes out. I miss. They both check and I Continuation Bet (C-Bet). I make it 40 on the flop. Player asks how much I have left. I hate that question when I obviously have them covered. He had about 5-600. I had 800 left. He raises me and makes it 110. It comes back to me and I say “check” on accident lol. So I fold.

Was that a bad play? It may or may not have been. I lost the hand though. But overall I won. There was also a hand where I flop the second nut straight vs someone who flops the third nut straight. He bets the flop. I smooth call. He shoves the turn. I call. Didn’t really do much. He did the betting for me. Does it mean I played the hand well? Or just got lucky? My first 200 buy in I pick up pocket 10s. Someone bets 30 pre-flop. I smooth call on the button (could’ve raised). Big blind calls as well. Flop comes out 5TJ. I have a set of 10s. Big blind checks. Initial Better raises it to 60. I smooth call (could’ve raised again) because I wanted the other guy to call since it was a rainbow flop. He instead shoves. Initial raiser goes all in as well. I call and lose 360. Turns out initial raiser has top set (pocket Jacks). Of course the big blind flops open ender, hits the straight on the turn, and scoops the pot. Cooler hand. Nothing I could do about it. Unlucky.

I was at 1,500 at one point but only cashed out 860. Definitely played some hands bad. But overall, I believe I played well on friday. I might start counting how many hands I played well, horrible, and got lucky on during a game.

(860 Cashout)

860/400

Saturday game and Monday game cancelled… Might just try to host my own game instead of taking seat 11.

I need the Pittsburgh Penguins and Texas Rangers to come through for me tonight… Might call 1-800-GAMBLER tonight… baseball and hockey though??? #horrible

+120

(no rake)

Unbelievable how slow the action was on Monday’s game in Waldorf. 1/3 with a hand of NL Omaha Hi per round is usually an all-in fest. Not the case that day. Seemed like every bet took down the pot. House gave away 200 freeroll for on time people. But game ended in 3 hours. The poker life is so inconsistent. Less action = less profit for me and everyone else. I guess it always depends on who goes to the game. That day, the two donkeys who are normally regulars weren’t there. The house usually gives action but not that day. It’s annoying when the house is playing but at the same time on their ipad playing games and not paying attention. Slowing down the game. Who slows down their own game??? Horrible.

Thursday’s game cancelled. Rough nowadays. Not the same as a couple years ago. I need a regular job. Hopefully tonight’s 2/5 goes. Normally great action where this one guy dumps 2 dimes like clockwork. So we’ll see. Always depends on the lineup.

Gotta get money some way since the game was cancelled last night. So hopefully the Phillies win me money. Especially since the Yankees and Middle Tennessee State lost me money..

Ravens All Day

+330

(no rake)

Friday night’s 2/5 game was alright. Took a long break/nap so I missed a lot of the action. My man Steve finally hit big though. Definitely the highlight of the night when I was in the box. 3 consecutive hands at one point for him was quads (I think 7’s), then Aces full, then he flops a straight flush. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a straight flush like that on the flop. I’ll never forget it. He had 9J diamonds. Flop comes out 8TQ diamonds. Needless to say he took down the 100 dollar high hand as well. Cashed out over a dime. I think he was at 1500 at one point though. I love seeing my people’s win at games. Unfortunately it didn’t work out for my brother or Jim though haha. They were definitely looking out for me while I was in the box though. Freeroll on me coming soon, no doubt.

I use to think the ratio of skill vs luck was 80% skill and 20% luck. But I think that only applies to games where everyone has at least a dime in front of them. That way you can make moves. Bluffs really works. Hard for someone to call a 600 dollar bet. But if they only have 150-300 in front of them, a lot of times they snap call. So in lower stake games I think its 65% skill and 35% luck. Unfortunately, I don’t have the bankroll to play in the deeper games. So I have to be lucky.

Unfortunately, my saturday night game didn’t go. That’s the life of seat #11. The days you don’t run. You don’t have income. Last week, My monday Rockville and Saturday Silver Spring didn’t go.

Tonight I might show some love to the Waldorf game since they let me deal there on Thursdays. I might just quit my Rockville gig. Waldorf game is dangerous though. One hand of NL Omaha Hi per round. That game I think is 85% luck and 15% skill. There is no “outplaying” anyone in that game. You just need to hit. I should fold pre-flop no matter what really. But knowing my fishy ass. I’m probably going all in with them too. Horrible.

I’m thinking of hosting a low stake 1/2 game on sundays at 2pm in Fort Wash. Could be a friendly game, watch some football, and drink some beer. I wonder if anyone would be down with that.

Side note – RAVENS ALL DAY!!!!

+257

(no rake)

NL Texas Hold Em, 1 hand of No Limit Omaha Hi per round. The Omaha round was basically the all-in-trying-to-get-unstuck round. Its a stupid game because it really doesn’t exist. You won’t find a NL Omaha Hi game in casinos. The game was basically a bunch of fishes and donkeys. No bluffs allowed in this game. They will call you for 300 with King high. Sick game. Big winner was only 1500. Not bad considering it was short handed all night. Two guys kept rebuying. 15 times each. But only 100 rebuy. So they slowly lost 1500 each. House man lost his profits. I remember those days. Working for free is the worst.

Biggest hand of the night. Of course in Omaha. Guy has AA45 suited hearts. A28 rainbow. Top set and the nut str8 draw. Holds up and of course everyone goes all in. Pulled in 2200. Get money sir.

Climax of the game. 4 guys go all in pre-flop. In Omaha of course. One guy has his cards on the table. I flop it out. Then I turn. On the turn a player next to the other guy who already mucked preflop, grabs the guy’s cards next to him. Simultaneously, the guy whos hand was on the table says “I lose. I have nothing.” Then I put the river down and the guy who isn’t in the game turns over the guy who said “I lose. I have nothing.” Of course he did have something, a flush. The winner. So another player gets upset and says his hand should’ve been mucked. Thats when the firework happens. House man says, that he wins the pot because he never mucked it and you can’t call a tech on that. They GO AT IT. I was shocked that the house was even saying stuff like that. Player “FUCK YOU ___” House “SHUT YOUR FAT ASS UP. YOU FAT FUCK.” This goes on for about 6 hands and I finally have to yell above them and calm the table down. Only reason I didn’t do it sooner was because it was the house man. I’m thinking, I guess his game, his rules, and he’s allowed to kurk, LOL. But it got WAY out of hand. I was mad that the other house man didn’t say anything either. I had to bang the table like 5 times and yell for them to stop. LITERALLY yell. Horrible game structure.

Tonight is a 2/5 game. Bigger game with calling stations there as well. Usually see mulitple 1k pots. Lets see how that goes.

Moving Forward While Moving Backwards

Been back home for 2 months now. Main objective was to finish school. Which I’m on point in. Also felt that God sent me here for a reason (which I may share one day what that is). Something beyond school and making money. And i’ve been far from that right now. Basically went back to my old bad habits.

Catherine is back in town for a week. And all she can talk about is what I basically need to hear. I still see God working in her. Which I love so much. And want for myself. I swear I can never stay on track. Glad she’s here though. To get me back to where my mindset was before I left California.

Waking up every morning and asking God, “What can I do today to make you happy?” works so much. Incredibly strong. Something I was doing for a little bit. Then strayed away. Asking Him what you can do today. Not tomorrow. Not in the far future. But today. And just focusing on one day at a time.

Actions speak louder than words. But results speak louder than actions.

Results is what I’m looking for.  I need to stop thinking of the best way to make a quick buck. But instead focus on what I can do daily. Without money on my mind. Without trying to figure everything out in one day. But have a goal in mind. He does talk to you if you ask Him in the morning what you can do to please Him.

Moving forward.

Since I’m at a poker game at least 4 days a week. Im going to start putting up more poker posts.

MY New Year

So after a year, I’m going back to MD. Only me and the kids. Catherine will be staying In California. I must say, It’s definitely going to be different. Been with her for 6 years? (I love that we don’t have an anniversary lol) And living with her for the past 5. Kind of feels weird that the family is going to be apart for several months. But you gotta do what you gotta do.

Life has taught me A LOT this past year. By far, more than any other year. Probably my biggest decision ever. To go back home with the kids while Catherine stays in California. I’m a family man. And I believe that family should always stick together no matter what. If one struggles, then we all struggle. As a family, together. But now I’m going against that belief by going home and her staying here, more less on her own. Also have always found a way to make fast money all my life. Until this past year since we moved here in Cali. Definitely re-learned the value of a dollar. And even though I haven’t lived with my parents for the past 5 years, not living near them is a totally different ball game. Not having the family and friends support and living where you basically don’t know anyone WITH kids is rough.

I have faith that we’re making the right decision though. Going back to finish school and hopefully get a couple certifications. Also going to work and get back in the poker circuit. But not to gamble. I’m through gambling for now. Been 4+ months since I gambled. I need to get caught up with all our debt first. So hopefully when I come back to Cali after the semester, I can find a better job, and we’ll both be pretty much outta debt. That’s the goal. And I know it will work.

Since poker has been on hold cuz of funds. I picked up a new hobby. I’ve always wrote since high school but never actually spit (performed) my lyrics with a beat to create a song. It’s totally different from just writing. So I’m practicing. Anyways… here’s a song I made for Catherine right before we left.

With the whole music thing… My goal is to develop a unique flow. Far from that right now. To learn how to flow on beat. Extremely hard for me cuz I’m rhythmically challenged. But ultimately, to make a mixtape by summer next year. Not really looking to “make it” in this industry. But lately music has been one of the only things keeping me sane. Plus I’ve always been writing verses. Might as well put it to use. If something happens, cool. But I’m doing it cuz it’s what I love to do and it helps me get by.

Sooo…. middle of 2011. But a friend told me you can start your new year anytime you want. This is DEFINITELY going to be a new year. Family not together. Not gambling. Going back to school after 5 years. Making music, not just writing. And my serious devotion to losing weight (ha). July to January, only 6 months. But MY New Year.